As I turned the calendar to a new month a few days ago, it occurred to me that had anyone told me five months back that I would move to Victoria before the year was out; I would have considered it a joke of the day. April Fool! Yet, after tending to a dying mother, arranging her memorial service, selling her condo, settling her estate and selling my own Abbotsford home once that was done; that’s where I am.
I’m glad I started that process in June by moving and living here part time before the one-fell-swoop uprooting move. It helped immensely to walk into a cozy suite and simply leave the carload of boxes and bags in the spare room for a day or two until I was in the mood to unpack them. How nice to be able to wait for “the mood” and not have to rise at 5 and work until 5 day after day. It’s wonderful to have the option to roll over at 5, and snooze until 7 before schlepping out of bed and putting on the coffee.
After such a labor-intense and emotionally fraught period I’m unsure of my next steps. I’m on pause. Of course, I will collect myself and find direction. It’s only a matter of time. Fortunately I’ve lived long enough to know and trust that.
Even though I miss it deeply, I don’t know whether I’ll decide to resume blogging about my travel experiences in Japan, take a different tack or abandon blogging altogether.
At the moment I have moved to the place of no words. Although that creates a void, a retreat into this period of silence also feels right. Like the idea of nai tokoro in Japanese, it is the point or state of nothing. It’s the negative space which surrounds and reveals the focal point. I wait to see what that might be.